Happy Mother’s Day, whether you’re a mom, have a mom, know a mom, or if mom stuff brings up weird feelings and you ignored the whole thing. No wrong way to deal with today.

I spent Saturday getting tipsy with my “it takes a village” village at our local park’s Mother’s Day Lawn Party, and today I celebrated with my own mom and extended fam over lots of food (our love language) and handmade cards from the kids.

Last week's recap:

Our last challenge was all about carving out 15 minutes a day just for you.

I loved how many of you responded saying you used that time to squeeze in a quick workout (special shoutout to the yoga mat behind the desk crowd!)

Seeing how so many of you took this tip and ran with it (some quite literally took 15 minute runs in their neighborhoods!) really proves how small moments of focus are just the thing we need to start turning rituals into habits that become second nature. Now your challenge will be consistency. So keep protecting those 15 minute blocks.

The backstory behind this week’s action:

The other day, I asked my acupuncturist to lower the heat on the table. He thanked me and then mentioned how most people don’t speak up about their preferences, even if they’re in pain.

“They don’t want to make ME uncomfortable,” he laughed.

Let’s take that in: people paying to relieve their pain… choosing to stay in pain so they don’t inconvenience someone. That’s right, this runs so deep for some of us, we are afraid even our acupuncturist won’t like us if we dare speak up about what might make us more comfortable.

We trade our discomfort in favor of likeability.

Sound familiar?

It’s the likeability trap. Author Alicia Menendez (who literally wrote the book on this) puts it best:

It’s a trade-off too many of us make, at work, in relationships, even on the acupuncture table.

One of my former managers was so focused on being liked, he avoided tough conversations. Performance reviews were glowing, even when they definitely shouldn’t have been. He wanted everyone to view him as the “cool, chill, laid back guy.” But his management style? Empty. Feedback? Nonexistent. His team’s growth? Flatlined.

Likeability ≠ leadership.

People pleasing ≠ progress.

And this shows up everywhere, not just in performance reviews or management styles.

It creeps into family dynamics. Friendships. Marriages. Group chats. The freaking acupuncture table.

Your action to combat this for the next two weeks is this: stop prioritizing likeability.

Stop putting other people’s comfort above your own.

✨Commit to Small, Daily Acts Of Self-Advocacy.✨

That’s it. Ask for what you want, in small, manageable ways, every single day. Practice putting your needs front and center. Because we know how starting small and practicing is what helps make this a habit.

At the beginning of each day, plan out your small action. See where you can find an opportunity to use this as you go about your day. Every evening as you get into bed, reflect on how you put this into practice.

Here are six examples of what you can do:

1. If someone understates your contribution, politely correct them. For example, if someone at work mentions, “She helped with that,” respond with: “Actually, I led the project and finalized the presentation.”
2. Ask your partner to share the childcare or household organization duties. “I’ve been keeping track of all the school forms and birthday RSVPs this month, can you take over scheduling the next doctor and dentist appointment?”
3. Try not to automatically respond by placating people or putting their time above your own. If someone asks you to hop on a quick call, say, “I can’t talk right now, but let’s catch up after 3.” or “I don’t respond to Slack after 6 unless it’s urgent.” (How I wish I had been brave enough to do that second one in my agency days!)
4. Update your LinkedIn to reflect your wins, not just your job title. (bonus: send me your LinkedIn profile and I’ll send you back a punched up headline!)
5. Ask for alone time without guilt. “I need an hour alone this weekend to reset. Can you take the kids out for a bit?”
6. Tell your partner or coworkers to turn the thermostat up. Seriously. It's May. There's no reason you should be cold right now.

Think of it as strategic positioning. Investing in your health. In doing this, you're also signaling to others that they can’t steamroll you. You’re modeling self-respect to those around you, at work, at home and in your community.

Prioritize your comfort over your likeability. Speak up. Ask for adjustments.

Even if it makes someone else uncomfortable.

You in?

P.S. Need a script for a specific small act of self-advocacy? Reply and I’ll send you one.

​

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

​Beck on Tech. It’s short, simple and so effective (we love that here.) Last week Molly suggested we clear out our social media feeds like bookshelves and it’s some of the best advice out there right now. So easy, so smart.

​This Tina Fey profile. It’s long but honestly take your time, enjoy it and don’t read it all in one sitting. I laughed out loud at this (and many other) quotes that hit home: “She suspects she and her husband are New York City lifers, even if, come summer, her personality is Fire Island. “The dumpy side,” she clarifies, “not the business side with the boys.”

No shade to the business side with the boys, though, I enjoyed it for many years, and one of those business boys eventually became my husband.

​The SAVE act, which would prevent millions of women who changed their last names from voting. Thats because it will require a birth certificate or a passport in addition to a photo ID in order to register to vote.

I personally changed my name and it took me years (YEARS) to finally change all my documentation. It is a very annoying and laborious process and if my maiden name was anything other than Schoenberger and the phone calls to doctors spelling out Schoenberger and Shoenthal once we got on the same insurance after marriage wasn't such a drain on my soul I probably wouldn't have done it.

Meanwhile, my homeboy Chuck Schumer says that "every single Democrat is united" against the bill and supposedly it's "dead on arrival," so let’s hope this doesn't pass.

​Duckbill, my new virtual assistant that’s a combo of AI and a real person (called a copilot) helping me find concert tickets, book travel, make local reservations and get through other time consuming tasks. It’s fairly affordable at $100 per month and if you use my code you’ll get 50% off your first two months.

​

See you two Sundays from now,
​

Amy

​
​