Things are feeling a bit extra uncertain right now, yes? Sure, this is always the case to some degree, but today, this week, this…year which we're apparently only 21 days into, the uncertainty feels especially dark. We don’t need to get into why, as there’s plenty being written about all that. No matter what’s driving your anxiety around uncertainty, I'm here with suggestions on how we can try to cope with it.

I was recently given an advanced copy of How To Fall in Love with Questions by behavioral scientist Elizabeth Weingarten, and I’ve fallen in love with this book. I’ll probably reach out to her to learn more about her work and interview her for an upcoming article but right now I'm using it as my guiding light for working through uncertainty.

Weingarten’s first few chapters introduced me to the work of psychologist Arie Kruglanski, who coined the term “Cognitive Closure.”

Cognitive Closure is the human desire to eliminate ambiguity and arrive at definite conclusions — sometimes irrationally. Turns out, humans want to avoid uncertainty so badly, we actually prefer pain to vagueness.

That means we’d rather have concrete answers that feel painful rather than continue to ask more questions. We want a chapter to be final, closed, certain. We want definitive answers even if those answers don’t tell the whole story. We want concrete resolutions in black or white, leaving no room for gray.

Meanwhile, some people have a stronger need for closure than others. Those are the folks who tend to make decisions quickly and see the world in extreme black and white. These, Kruglanski found, were also the people with the strongest opinions.

Isn’t it interesting how the folks who don’t take the time to explore nuance, the ones who rush to make quick decisions based on limited information are also the ones with the strongest opinions?

P.S. If you’re new here (Welcome to the many of you who subscribed last week after you saw my TEDx talk or listened to it on the TED Talks Daily podcast!) I’m Amy, a corporate speaker, marketing consultant, journalist and USA TODAY bestselling author of The Setback Cycle. Want to work with me? Shoot me a note here.

But, as Kruglanski puts it, “Cognitive closure is the elimination of possibilities.”

To me, the elimination of possibilities is so sad. It’s deciding you are done asking questions in pursuit of certainty, even if that certainty proves to false - or offers only a partial answer.

“’Closure’ is the moment that you make a decision or form a judgment,” says Daniele Anastasion in a New York Times mini documentary about Kruglanski’s work. “You literally close your mind to new information.”

So how do we avoid falling into the cognitive closure trap - at work, in our personal lives and in our ongoing attempts to improve the world around us?

In other words, how do we combat our own — and others’ — propensity toward strong opinions and incomplete information?

I don’t have concrete answers on this one (only more questions - that’s the point!) However, I do have some suggestions for actions that can serve as your starting point.

• Ask more questions. (You knew this would be number one, right?) “Living and loving our questions is less about chasing answers, safety, and protection, and more about pursuing integrity, challenge, and growth,” says Weingarten.
• In a nod to that last bit of Weingarten's advice, pursue integrity over certainty. Integrity is when your actions line up with your values. Martha Beck, author of The Way of Integrity, says, “Even when things go wrong, I am here on an experience-gathering mission in this world, and my soul loves adventure.”
• When you get an answer to any of your questions, dig below the surface. Challenge previously-held assumptions with curiosity instead of confrontation. Apply critical thinking to everything you hear, read or see.
• Treat answers like experiments, ideas to test out, not definitive directions. Test their validity, gather feedback, and see how you might be able to build on or improve them. Collaborate with those around you to come up with even better ideas. Turn to your community to start coming up with solutions to problems that seem unfixable.

I really liked this piece of advice from my friend, the brilliant author Stephanie Hanson. She said, “No action is too small. No courage is wasted. No kindness is unnoticed. Everything matters. Remember that when you feel helpless, it means you need to help more. That’s what gives you your motivation and purpose.”

Remember, we persist. Resist the urge to throw your hands in the air thinking you’re powerless to stop the bad things. This, beyond all other moments, is not a the time to be passive, silent or indecisive.

And as Kruglanski puts it, “You cannot fight fire with ambiguity and indecision.” So keep asking questions. Step forward and demand better answers.

How do you navigate uncertainty? How are you and your loved ones holding up right now?

Me, I’m setting strict boundaries with my media consumption, which means ignoring a whole lot of news aside from the below, which I’m currently:

​Neha Ruch. Talk about a time when I was navigating so much uncertainty - I will never forget going to her event the summer after being laid off. I was caught in a frenzy of anxiety as to what my life would look like, and remember vividly how much better I felt surrounded by the folks in her community and learning how they built their careers through a mix of parenting and working and pausing. Because of people like Neha, the conversation around what motherhood looks like is changing in a positive way, which is why I wrote a piece about exactly that in Forbes last week.

Neha and the other voices featured here are doing the work to shift the caregiver conversation in a way that benefits everyone, not just mothers and not just working parents. Now, her book, The Power Pause, is finally out and is certain to continue that shift in bigger and more exciting ways.

The fact that Ridgewood, Queens is getting the recognition it deserves as NYC’s number one neighborhood to watch in 2025. Our favorite restaurant, Rolo’s, is featured prominently in this real estate article, which means it’ll be even harder to get a table there, but if you’ve spoken to me at all in the past year you know my husband and I will find our way over for a date night or an evening out with friends at least once a month. Just know that we remember a time when a person could actually get the burger before they sold out.

(And yes, I do know that Sunnyside is #4 on the list. The way they described it is…not totally accurate! But of course I’m happy to see my own home here as well.)

This article about a diet writer sharing her heartbreaking story of struggling with her own weight.

This line really hit me, “No one has ever known so much about healthy eating and been less successful at following her own advice.”

The folks at TED who chose to feature my talk on their homepage and on their TED Talks Daily podcast last week. In fact, that's why so many new folks are here reading this today!

I realize I’m ending this with my own shoutout but this newsletter remains an antidote to doomscrolling, a place where we celebrate each other and a permission slip to brag about your achievements or any recognition you get when you get it. As always, I want to hear about your proudest moments, and I'd be thrilled to highlight them right here so we can all share in whatever it is that's bringing you joy.

​

I hope your week is peaceful, that you’re protecting yourself in whatever ways are possible for you right now, and that you never waver in your pursuit of continuous question-asking, even if the answers are unsatisfying. For the sake of all of us, please keep asking away.

​